Surfing the Internet

Surfin' the Net
So I think I'm in the clear
the boss is no where in sight
I logon to the web and start to surfand
then my hair stands up with fright

the footsteps coming down the hallare
quickening in pacethere
is no time to exitno way to save my face

so I press the power buttonand relax
just a bitthere is no way he can tellexactly what I hit
I act all surprised
don't know why my machine died"simply unpredictable thesecomputers are!" I cried
"So we'll get you a new onea computer that won't crash" he exclaimsDo you think he'll wonderwhen the new one acts the same?

Need Samples

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?""What did he say? What's he want?"His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

unexpected day for Mr. Bush...







Emm...yummy...

Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee."What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, andyou were only 17?" he asks solemnly.The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years"."I remember that too", she replies softly.He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

10times married still virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"